I love this time of year. Love it. I’m a huge fan of Christmas – cheesy movies, ridiculous music, amazing food and more than a few cups of mulled wine – plus, the whole ‘good will to all men’ thing? That works for me.
So it was with ridiculous pleasure that my housemate and I went out last Sunday and bought a tree, decorated the house, and had the very best festive time ever. I love it. I’ve also been to festive parties and such pretty much every night for the last week – and given it’s my birthday on Tuesday, and my work Christmas shindig on Thursday, I don’t see that stopping any time soon.
Note: I’m not complaining. Nobody should complain about having too much fun.
However, something I hate about this time of year is the inevitable patch that follows it: an annual cross-cultural round of festivities I like to describe as the New Year Diet Bullshit Extravaganza.
I hate it, not because there’s anything wrong with the idea of taking stock and starting afresh at the beginning of the new year – I for one am yet to have a festive season that doesn’t result in me gaining a lil’ junk in my trunk, so I appreciate the need for a bit of good behaviour on the other side – but because it’s always taken as an opportunity for diet brands to take advantage and try to sell you a miracle.
In case I haven’t made this abundantly clear: there is no miracle. There is no Secret To Weight Loss™, no Easy Weight Loss Cure ®, no Quick Fix to Shed Pounds © – all these things are fallacious, malicious, dirty lies told by people who want to make a quick buck out of you and yours.
And by a ‘quick buck,’ I mean the kind of money I personally cannot even comprehend. On any given day, almost half of all women and a quarter of all men in the US are on a diet, helping to fund an industry that’s worth over $50bn. 80% of all dieters fail to lose weight, and a third go on to gain additional weight afterwards.
I’m trying not to indiscreetly cough the word ‘rip-off’ into my coffee.
And I’m not just saying this from the outside, either.
Trust me: I have lost weight fast. And I have gained weight even faster as a result. I’ve tried every diet you know (and a fair few of the ones you don’t) and I have failed consistently and painfully every single time. I’ve also been offered money by said diet people to endorse bullshit products I’ve never used – which means you’ve gotta take endorsements by people with a real platform with one big ol’ pinch of salt.
All this to say: there’s only one way you’re going to successfully improve your life in 2014, and that’s by learning to accept, appreciate and love yourself first. Improve your psychological wellbeing, and the rest will follow: I promise.
And so, I’m jumping in there first, before anyone gets hit by the post-Christmas marketing bomb.
Are you planning to buy jump on the diet wagon in January? Gonna cut carbs? Master cleanse? 5:2?
Because if you are, don’t.
Please don’t. I beg you. Don’t get involved with that, and don’t buy into it. It will do one thing, and one thing only: it will make you miserable.
Instead, join me – because what I lose in multi-million dollar marketing campaigns, I more than make up for in cult-ish language and big swooshy hair. And spurred on by the fact that I don’t want one more person to be ripped off this January, I’m going to bring 30 Days of Good Stuff back for Round Two: The New Year Ass-Kicking Edition.
If you missed Round One, it doesn’t need much of an explanation, really. It was just thirty days of positive thinking, healthy eating and all-round goodness. That’s it. But you guys were incredible – I’ve never had so many life-changing ‘my life’s changed’ messages in such a short period of time.
It’s not just about weight loss – but just from the emails I received, y’all lost a combined 600lbs in a month. And the changes in attitude, mindset, and general happiness were even more mind-blowing.
So: who’s up for an amazing 2014?
Then pop a paw print in here, and keep an eye on your inbox at new year:[mc4wp_form]
That’s it! Don’t forget to tell yo’ friends, and anyone else you think might be thinking about a new year’s diet – let’s make 2014 awesome for everyone.
Merry Christmas team!