I was in full-on writer mode earlier. I was tapping away furiously, in total silence, pausing only to sip coffee and after four hours, at last, I was done.
So, I cranked up the volume on my speakers, and got DOWN. I live alone. In a tiny flat. Above a curry house. But dammit, I can get down like Carlton when I really want to.
This isn’t something I’ve always been able to do, though. And not just because of the now defunct crutches.
See, joining the Society of Solo Dancers is something of an art. There are a few things you have to do to get in.
When you first start dancing alone, you might feel like you have to properly dance. As in, with moves that would be recognised as reasonable in a public place.
You’d be wrong. Very wrong. In the Society of Solo Dancers, it’s absolutely crucial that your dancing is as awful as possible. As much arm-swinging, jumping, and butt-shaking as you can muster. That’s important.
You might also think you have to listen to what would qualify as ‘cool’ music. Again, that’s a rookie mistake. The cheesier, the better. I’d recommend Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ for the irony value. Or the Spice Girls. Anything by the Spice Girls is a pretty much guaranteed success.
You might also think you’re limited to dancing, but this society is pretty inclusive. Miming to a power ballad is also acceptable in most situations, as long as you incorporate a strong bit of drum miming too. Top tip: Total Eclipse of the Heart. That’s all I’m saying on that front.
The really important thing you have to do to join the Society of Solo Dancers, though, is also the hardest part. You have to stop caring.
You have to just do it. It’s not enough to pretend you’re not thinking about what you look like, or who might hear the terrible, terrible music you’ve opted for. You have to genuinely not care.
It’s taken me quite a while to get to this point. It’s like meditation. I’ve finally reached the higher plane of not giving a damn. I’ve spent years and years being so self-conscious, and so uncomfortable in my own skin, that it’s like an epiphany to just be able to dance and not care at all.
Because ironically, losing weight and improving your body will get a hell of a lot easier as soon as you stop giving a damn what you look like to anyone else. Once it’s about you, it’s about health, rather than how you look. And once you’re on that road, you’re on your way.
I’m inviting everyone here to join me in a solo dance. Turn up the music, and just go for it. And stop caring what you look like. Just be you for a few minutes – and enjoy it. Because we can do all the self-improvement, and weight loss, and body composition stuff in the world – but until you’ve figured out how to dance on your own, for you… You’re not quite done.
So get moving!